Up to the age of fourteen I loved school, mainly due to the banter and good atmosphere that I experienced in the classroom. Then I moved to Norway and everything changed. I remember standing in the school yard in what I thought was my best outfit, purple trousers that I sewed myself, worn with a lovely pair of boots, ready to meet my new class-mates.
I observed two closed circles of pupils, the 'in' gang who wore the most expensive ski-jacket imaginable, and equally top fashion expensive brand jeans. And the other gang in long sweaters, huddling together perhaps trying not to compare themselves with the 'in' gang but certainly not giving me a look in.
In hindsight I should've just approached one of the 'gangs' and asked them some sort of question or presented myself, who I was, where I was from etc. But I didn't. I allowed myself to be 'bullied' into a corner by other people's silence and lack of attention. I felt I was a nobody, I didn't exist.
But of course moments like that don't last for ever and I did make one friend whose mum was Danish and who wasn't afraid to approach me. And I became involved in a youth club outside of school. But rejection does leave a scare until we allow ourselves to re-live the situation whilst we include that loving goodness that resides deep within each one of us.
I now imagine myself as a happy young person approaching one of the 'gangs' telling them how delighted I am to meet them, asking their names. In other words take charge of the situation and be the one to break the ice rather than waiting for others to take the risk. Be the 'big' heart that I am behind all the facade of wanting to be loved and admired. To be the one who reaches out and show kindness to others rather than expecting others to take the first step.