Saturday, 16 January 2021

Admitting Defeat..

 'I can't do it' how often do I whisper these defeatist words to myself? 

Accepting my own powerlessness gracefully, that's the challenge. Not giving out, not blaming but simply taking a moment to process my defeat. Like a young child who falls smack on its bum and just sits there wondering what happened. To take that moment.

Biting more than we can chew is such a human quality, for good and for bad. If we never took any risk, never committed to anything, we'd never fall on our bum, we'd just sit there, so it's a good sign that we have gotten ourselves into this 'impossible' situation. 

It's a good thing to allow the situation to unfold rather than expecting everything to go to plan and everyone to get onboard. Yes, we've lost confidence, but perhaps we can create a deeper confidence from within ourselves which is not built on what we can do or not do, but built on accessing that personal goodness and love from deep within. And then apply that to the situation. 

Ask myself, 'what is now the most loving action to myself and other' because there should be no conflict. Love yourself as you love others - that's the tight-rope upon which we're invited to walk- or dance;-)

Friday, 15 January 2021

Silent Bullying...

Up to the age of fourteen I loved school, mainly due to the banter and good atmosphere that I experienced in the classroom. Then I moved to Norway and everything changed. I remember standing in the school yard in what I thought was my best outfit, purple trousers that I sewed myself, worn with a lovely pair of boots, ready to meet my new class-mates. 

I observed two closed circles of pupils, the 'in' gang who wore the most expensive ski-jacket imaginable, and equally top fashion expensive brand jeans. And the other gang in long sweaters, huddling together perhaps trying not to compare themselves with the 'in' gang but certainly not giving me a look in.

In hindsight I should've just approached one of the 'gangs' and asked them some sort of question or presented myself, who I was, where I was from etc. But I didn't. I allowed myself to be 'bullied' into a corner by other people's silence and lack of attention. I felt I was a nobody, I didn't exist. 

But of course moments like that don't last for ever and I did make one friend whose mum was Danish and who wasn't afraid to approach me. And I became involved in a youth club outside of school. But rejection does leave a scare until we allow ourselves to re-live the situation whilst we include that loving goodness that resides deep within each one of us. 

I now imagine myself as a happy young person approaching one of the 'gangs' telling them how delighted I am to meet them, asking their names. In other words take charge of the situation and be the one to break the ice rather than waiting for others to take the risk. Be the 'big' heart that I am behind all the facade of wanting to be loved and admired. To be the one who reaches out and show kindness to others rather than expecting others to take the first step. 

Thursday, 14 January 2021

The Beauty of Anger


I used to avoid anger until I discovered that feeling angry about something is an invitation to get to know myself better, get to know what I truly care about. We might think we know ourselves, but maybe there's a deeper, caring side to ourselves that anger can help us explore.

I feel angry when somebody disturbs my work flow with what seems to me an unnecessary question or irrelevant remark. Why? It feels like the person is questioning what I do or who I am. But the real question is whether I believe in what I do and in who I am? Because if I do, would it matter so much if another person doesn't? 

I think when we examine ourselves, mostly our anger is really with ourselves. We don't love ourselves enough. We don't take time out to discover and enjoy that loving goodness which abides deep within us. The goodness who says 'oh hi, how are you?' and takes an interest in another rather than expecting the other person to understand. 

When we truly understand the beauty of our own being we'll automatically appreciate the beauty of that other human being also.

Wednesday, 13 January 2021

You're Not Alone...

The illusion of aloneness is probably the biggest fallacy ever. So many people have been fooled into believing that they're alone in their pain. Okay, you might be with no-one right now. You might have huge problems, you might have done something horrible or someone might have done something horrible to you. BUT YOU'RE NOT ALONE.

Research on trauma shows that if other people are experiencing the same difficulties, pain or suffering as ourselves it is much easier to bear because we can talk about it, we know that others understand.

But there is a bigger community, a bigger sister- and brotherhood. The sister- and brotherhood of those who choose to love. Love unites us with people and animals that we don't see or hear because love opens us up to a much bigger world, the world of an enormous goodness and care around us and within us.

But there is a veil hiding it all, our human survival instinct can prompt us to hold on to the belief that we have to fend for ourselves and that nobody cares. However there is a loving providence ready to spoil us. I once tested this with a friend of mine. We wanted to see if the loving providence would take care of us.

We set out on the road without any money, food or plan. Just hitching and sharing our story with people who gave us a lift. I've never eaten as much, the amount of meals we were offered. The convents in Ireland that put us up for the night and the people who opened their doors when we needed a bathroom. Just random knock on a door and we were welcomed, cake was brought out and cups of tea.

Not everyone was welcoming but we just moved on and tried somewhere else, asking for a glass of water, the use of the bathroom. One night we ended up sleeping on the floor of a hospital. Sometimes we found whole packets of food just left somewhere. 

I've never been let down when I've trusting in the loving providence. Millions of times in my life it has stepped in and proved life so much more wonderful than I imagined.

It does take that step of fearlessness and trust and being willing to seem foolish by those who only believe in what can be seen. But when we suffer, there is always someone who suffers the same, there is someone somewhere to send good wishes and healing, to journey with. We just can't see them right now.

Tuesday, 12 January 2021

To Include rather than Exclude...

When someone we care about throws their affection onto somebody else it's important to remember to be inclusive rather than exclusive. Rather than feeling put down or jealous we need to trust that there's room for everybody, including us.

Being inclusive enables us to be bigger than a single situation or event. It's an invitation to open up to that inner goodness and love which abide inside of us, to be generous and happy for people to connect with one another.

That isn't easy when past traumatic experiences are triggered, feelings of being left out or abandoned by someone we trusted, feelings of inadequacy or being unpopular. But this is a chance to mature, forgive and trust that in the end we're all sisters and brothers struggling to make sense of life, struggling to do our best.

Our past hurts and feelings of inadequacy can be processed in a way that allows us to move on and participate in life rather than being paralyzed by that negative loop in our head which tells us how ugly and useless we are.

This is where tuning into that loving goodness that abides deep within and is to be found all around us can be helpful. Allowing ourselves to experience ourselves and others on that deeper level will lead to healing, and yes, inclusion rather than exclusion.

Monday, 11 January 2021

Dare to Be True..

We don't want to get hurt so many of us hide our interests, our passion, our contribution from the bigger world. But to have the courage to pursue what 'turns us on' in its most positive sense. 

To have the courage to work away on something we love and when the time comes, to present it to those who can help us bring it further. Those regarded as authorities in our field of interest.

Why risk rejection, correction or abuse? Somehow, that seems to be the price we have to be prepared to pay. A friend of mine loves doing stand-up comedy. He went to England and gave it a go, he didn't get that far with it but when he came back a year later and entered his local pub (pre-covid) the lads started to put him down. How did he think he could get anywhere? How did he think he was any good?

My friend stood up and said 'I've had a great time. You guys are sitting here in the same old seats every night critising anyone who has a go at something. But what have you experienced? What have you done with your lives? I've had an adventure and it has been wonderful. I'm not letting any of you take that away from me'.

My friend wanted to entertain people, make them laugh and he had a go at it. For him it would be too much work to make it a full-time career but his trip brought him further on the road as to how to be of service and help others.

When we tune in to that best part of ourselves, that loving goodness within us and around us it doesn't matter that not everyone appreciates what we do. All that matters is that we're true to that inner light we've been given as this is what brings us joy and wellbeing in abundance.

Sunday, 10 January 2021

Wisdom Born of Pain...

Seemingly young people who've been treated really well in their childhood can suffer more with anxiety than those who have had to struggle (within reason) with adversities and difficult experiences. 

It turns out that dealing with adversity actually builds self confidence which is the opposite to anxiety. The feel good hormone dopamine that is produced when we overcome challenges, activates our immune system to work at its best. Anxiety and doubting whether we can cope produce stress hormones which can be quite distressing if we don't know how to channel that energy towards something productive.

Having a goal, believing that we can change something for the better, that we have the power and ability to do so builds confidence and wellbeing. It counteracts depression and anxiety. 

So how do we help ourselves to the belief that makes us work to achieve something that we cannot see but that we believe can become possible in the future? One way is to tune in to that loving and caring power within ourselves and around us. We've been given certain skills, we've been given an insight into how we could make a difference. Perhaps, all we need is to give ourselves some encouragement, expect adversities as part of the journey, but be determined to keep going.

'I can do this', 'I have skills that'll help me', 'There are friends who'll help me', 'I can make a difference'. 'I can do this'. 'Together we can make it a better world for all of us to live in'. I wish you luck on your journey!