You're Not Alone...

The illusion of aloneness is probably the biggest fallacy ever. So many people have been fooled into believing that they're alone in their pain. Okay, you might be with no-one right now. You might have huge problems, you might have done something horrible or someone might have done something horrible to you. BUT YOU'RE NOT ALONE.

Research on trauma shows that if other people are experiencing the same difficulties, pain or suffering as ourselves it is much easier to bear because we can talk about it, we know that others understand.

But there is a bigger community, a bigger sister- and brotherhood. The sister- and brotherhood of those who choose to love. Love unites us with people and animals that we don't see or hear because love opens us up to a much bigger world, the world of an enormous goodness and care around us and within us.

But there is a veil hiding it all, our human survival instinct can prompt us to hold on to the belief that we have to fend for ourselves and that nobody cares. However there is a loving providence ready to spoil us. I once tested this with a friend of mine. We wanted to see if the loving providence would take care of us.

We set out on the road without any money, food or plan. Just hitching and sharing our story with people who gave us a lift. I've never eaten as much, the amount of meals we were offered. The convents in Ireland that put us up for the night and the people who opened their doors when we needed a bathroom. Just random knock on a door and we were welcomed, cake was brought out and cups of tea.

Not everyone was welcoming but we just moved on and tried somewhere else, asking for a glass of water, the use of the bathroom. One night we ended up sleeping on the floor of a hospital. Sometimes we found whole packets of food just left somewhere. 

I've never been let down when I've trusting in the loving providence. Millions of times in my life it has stepped in and proved life so much more wonderful than I imagined.

It does take that step of fearlessness and trust and being willing to seem foolish by those who only believe in what can be seen. But when we suffer, there is always someone who suffers the same, there is someone somewhere to send good wishes and healing, to journey with. We just can't see them right now.

To Include rather than Exclude...

When someone we care about throws their affection onto somebody else it's important to remember to be inclusive rather than exclusive. Rather than feeling put down or jealous we need to trust that there's room for everybody, including us.

Being inclusive enables us to be bigger than a single situation or event. It's an invitation to open up to that inner goodness and love which abide inside of us, to be generous and happy for people to connect with one another.

That isn't easy when past traumatic experiences are triggered, feelings of being left out or abandoned by someone we trusted, feelings of inadequacy or being unpopular. But this is a chance to mature, forgive and trust that in the end we're all sisters and brothers struggling to make sense of life, struggling to do our best.

Our past hurts and feelings of inadequacy can be processed in a way that allows us to move on and participate in life rather than being paralyzed by that negative loop in our head which tells us how ugly and useless we are.

This is where tuning into that loving goodness that abides deep within and is to be found all around us can be helpful. Allowing ourselves to experience ourselves and others on that deeper level will lead to healing, and yes, inclusion rather than exclusion.

Dare to Be True..

We don't want to get hurt so many of us hide our interests, our passion, our contribution from the bigger world. But to have the courage to pursue what 'turns us on' in its most positive sense. 

To have the courage to work away on something we love and when the time comes, to present it to those who can help us bring it further. Those regarded as authorities in our field of interest.

Why risk rejection, correction or abuse? Somehow, that seems to be the price we have to be prepared to pay. A friend of mine loves doing stand-up comedy. He went to England and gave it a go, he didn't get that far with it but when he came back a year later and entered his local pub (pre-covid) the lads started to put him down. How did he think he could get anywhere? How did he think he was any good?

My friend stood up and said 'I've had a great time. You guys are sitting here in the same old seats every night critising anyone who has a go at something. But what have you experienced? What have you done with your lives? I've had an adventure and it has been wonderful. I'm not letting any of you take that away from me'.

My friend wanted to entertain people, make them laugh and he had a go at it. For him it would be too much work to make it a full-time career but his trip brought him further on the road as to how to be of service and help others.

When we tune in to that best part of ourselves, that loving goodness within us and around us it doesn't matter that not everyone appreciates what we do. All that matters is that we're true to that inner light we've been given as this is what brings us joy and wellbeing in abundance.

Wisdom Born of Pain...

Seemingly young people who've been treated really well in their childhood can suffer more with anxiety than those who have had to struggle (within reason) with adversities and difficult experiences. 

It turns out that dealing with adversity actually builds self confidence which is the opposite to anxiety. The feel good hormone dopamine that is produced when we overcome challenges, activates our immune system to work at its best. Anxiety and doubting whether we can cope produce stress hormones which can be quite distressing if we don't know how to channel that energy towards something productive.

Having a goal, believing that we can change something for the better, that we have the power and ability to do so builds confidence and wellbeing. It counteracts depression and anxiety. 

So how do we help ourselves to the belief that makes us work to achieve something that we cannot see but that we believe can become possible in the future? One way is to tune in to that loving and caring power within ourselves and around us. We've been given certain skills, we've been given an insight into how we could make a difference. Perhaps, all we need is to give ourselves some encouragement, expect adversities as part of the journey, but be determined to keep going.

'I can do this', 'I have skills that'll help me', 'There are friends who'll help me', 'I can make a difference'. 'I can do this'. 'Together we can make it a better world for all of us to live in'. I wish you luck on your journey!

Those Gone Before Us..

Without the stories of those gone before us where would we be? As my dear dad often said: If you can't serve as a good example, at least you can serve as a bad example, meaning of course that if others weren't inspired by us at least they could learn from our mistakes.

But isn't the purpose of all learning that we will stand on the shoulders of those before us and carry on the baton in whatever area we feel 'called'? 

How siblings go each their way, taking with them different learning from the same parents, the good, and the not so good that we want to do different in our lives, just as they did.

It takes humility to listen to and observe others, it takes time. Time well spent even though we might feel we're slowing down and getting nowhere fast. Focus our learning on what helps us to move forward in the area of 'calling' and expertise where we can draw most enthusiasm and joy in our lives. 

Why spend our time focusing on our past mistakes and weaknesses? Once we've learned, we need to move on, whether it's alone or through the help of others. There is no shame in calling others onboard, no shame in not being able to figure it all out by ourselves. That's what we are here for: helping each other on the road. And what joy it is to some day help someone else on the road.

Accessing Joy

Accessing joy is crucial to enjoying our life, yet don't we so easily forget it or seek for it in the wrong places? While a substance or person might help us forget our emotional pain, we still end up having to live with ourselves. And if I don't like who I am, what then?

Well one way of getting to like ourselves better is to tune into the idea of having a 'calling'. We're here for a purpose, a good purpose, a loving purpose. Within each one of us burns a small or big fire for something, a passion, enthusiasm. And only we ourselves can truly know what that is.

Others may suggest or encourage, but what truly makes us 'tick' can be very personal but also the most joyful experience should we tune into it and commit ourselves to pursuing it. For some it is having children and then nourishing them to become happy and good human beings. For others it is writing that book, developing that gadget, helping the sick, the elderly. Being there for the wounded souls of our society. A combination perhaps of several.

There are billions of 'callings', one for each person alive. Sure, many of us share a passion but to what extent we pursue it and develop it is a personal choice. The more meaning and purpose we can access within ourselves, connecting us to that love energy that abides deep within us, the more joy we'll experience.

It's all in our hands or should I say minds, allowing the subconscious passion to bubble up and find shape and space in our lives.

Everything will be okay in the end..

 

and if it isn't okay, it isn't the end!

Optimistic statements are crucial to our sanity. Again whether what we hope for comes true  is not necessarily the issue, the issue is that it enables us get moving rather than sitting worrying about or lamenting something.

We can do this. We can do what needs to be done today, and tomorrow, and the day after. We may not feel we can, we may not think we can, but applying that optimistic statement to the situation enables us to partake in the loving, creative presence that lives within each one of us and surrounds us.

A loving presence that can only be experienced now. It's like food, we can't eat enough now for tomorrow, we can't drink enough now for tomorrow. We can't tap into tomorrow's energy and creativity, but we can tap into that beautiful, gentle presence available to us here and now. I've become quite dependent on nourishing myself with some creative beauty in the moment.

Recently, on my previously mentioned cycle-trip 'from hell' where not only my back was in pieces but the weather was cold, dark and drizzly and the final bike ride along the River Barrow before new restrictions, became more and more scary due to the amount of flooding and mud we encountered. I ended up having to take the busy road instead. Cars zooming by, dirty old road with rubbish strewn at the sides. 

I was desperately searching for a redeeming factor and thankfully I found it: I started meditation on the rubbish: 'There is an old ice-cream wrapping that somebody put a lot of thought into designing and producing. People working in the ice-cream factory facilitating the process and enabling us to go into shops and choosing ice-creams in beautiful colour wrapping.

The broken plastic bucket, how proud the person must have been who invented the bucket and how we all benefit, and how beautiful that bucket was when it was sitting there in the shop ready for someone to purchase and make use of it. 

A pair of trousers covered in dirt and how many hands might have helped design these trousers, produced the initial material, dyed it, the machinery that was designed to sew them together. What a masterpiece that could go so unnoticed.

We're surrounded by wonderful designs and produce of thousands of people, people who have put their love and energy into making something useful and beautiful for us, for man- and womankind. 

My dreary cycle 'from hell' became an inspiring opening of my mind towards that ever present creative energy within each one of us. May we be more aware and allow that creative spirit flourish in ourselves and encourage it in each other!