To be or not to be Assertive

Being assertive does take energy but on the other hand so does anger and usually there's a better chance of getting what we need or want by being kind but persistent rather than angry and demanding. Of course, we might not choose to be angry, we just are, but in my experience most anger, at a closer look, is really directed towards ourselves.

As mentioned before there's a huge energy in anger and if we can tap into what it is that we care so much about, then we can choose the best way of pursuing it. Of course, we get angry when someone stops us, misjudges us or pushes us out of the way. The question is whether that really is the issue. So rather than pushing back, creating a fight or bad atmosphere we can look for ways to pursue what we want or need without necessarily counting on those who're not enthused in the way we are.

And if we do need something, to approach the person in question with respect and kindness. Yesterday, I made yet another call to a supplier in England whose delivery hadn't arrived after three weeks and who had said they'd get back to me, but after two days hadn't. For my own sake mostly, rather than putting pressure on them I just phoned and explained that it hadn't arrived. As it turned out it had been sent back to them and there was a problem with figuring out the right paperwork and the courier hadn't been able to help them. But they were doing everything they could as they want to be able to continue trading with Ireland. 

So I was glad I didn't give out to them for being unprofessional etc. they were obviously frustrated and disappointed themselves that what they thought was the right paperwork turned out not to be. And I know from talking to them that they're doing their best to rectify the situation. With this corona virus going around on top of Brexit confusions at the border there will be delays. Extra kindness has to be asserted😍

How honest am I?

The character strength of honesty that we admire in each other is something we can always develop more of  it being take responsibility for our feelings and actions and being without pretence. 

As a child I vehemently denied having eaten sweets even though I had and was still claiming the weekly reward of fruit-money for not eating sweets during the week. It wasn't so much that I wanted the reward, it was more that I didn't want to look bad in my younger siblings and parent's eyes. 

Even though my dad re-assured me that he wouldn't get angry if I admitted it, I still went on to lie explaining that my friend's granny gave them to me and I couldn't say no. Of course, when my dad faced me with the fact of having seen me getting sweets out of a slot-machine up the town when he passed by in his military car, I couldn't deny it. I had been so careful not to be seen, but never counted on him being in a work vehicle! That was a sneaky one I thought!

There's great satisfaction though in taking responsibility for our actions rather than 'getting away with it'. To have the courage to say 'Yes, I did it' but also to know why we did what we did, and whether we still think it is a good idea or not, even though it seemed so at the time. Easier said than done. 

In the case of my over-developed sweet-tooth as a child, that was something that my parents could perhaps have helped me with, because at times I just couldn't help myself, I had to have some sweets😃 at least that's how I experienced it and it was my own pocket-money I used. But yes, I did lie and I did claim my reward which was dishonest so that was bad. 

Isn't that the story in the garden of Eden, it wasn't so much that Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit, but the fact that they lied and hid themselves away from God. They should've just faced him and said 'listen, sorry, we were curious and thought something good would come out of it but we were wrong. We failed to appreciate everything that you have given us already and we fell into temptation but we are sorry and we'll try to do better.' Easy for me to say😉but a challenge to live up to.

They widened the narrow road...

In memory of our dear mother who would've been 86 today and how near she, our dad and our great grandmother still are to me. Amazing how the 'invisible' ancestors can still communicate much love and support to us once we focus on the loving connection rather than all the short-comings of expressing that love.

We are so trapped in our human bodies, so influenced by our experiences and if we're not careful our bad experienced might overshadow the good ones. To keep alive our positive connections and build on those is so conducive to wellbeing.

By passing along the narrow road they widened it, and while they went along, trampling on the rough ways, they went ahead of us (from Augustin of Hippo) 

Of course, we should learn from our own and other people's mistakes. My dad always said 'if you can't serve as a good example, at least you can serve as a bad one' 😄

Neighbourliness is thriving during the corona. As we went up the country lane last Sunday and got talking to various neighbours, at a distance of course, we were handed 10 farm eggs by one of the farming couples. So later today I'm baking a pear cake and bottling up some fresh birch-water in order to carry on the positive communication they've offered. Isn't it in sharing our good fortune in whatever little way we can that we 'widen the narrow road and trample the rough ways' for one another?

Another Day for Optimism

Sometimes a bird's eye point of view is the only helpful point of view to avoid getting caught in the middle of other people's conflicts. There can be two opposing views and yet when one examines the 'drama' it's simply two different experiences. And how can you compare experiences except to learn something from one another?

As in the Meghan and Prince Harry interview. They shared their experiences and revealed some of the limitations of the Royal household and institution that they found hurtful and unhelpful. And that's their journey. Obviously, his brother and dad who're in line to become King have to live in a different world where freedom is restricted but where one benefits from an extremely privileged life. Never having to worry about food, shelter or clothing. Meeting with dignities from all over the world. Not having to earn respect but welcomed due to one's position.

So why take sides? Life is a process and we're only learning as we live. Looking back all of us have situations where we would re-act differently today, would make wiser choices if we knew what we now know. As human beings we all entitled to live our lives according to what we believe is best for us and those we love. But even then we might inadvertently hurt each other's feelings due to misunderstandings or different priorities.

And so conflict is part of living and learning and the question is not how other people need to change but how I can live my life with the most purpose and love and having the courage to do so.

Appreciating Eco-Therapy

Take a moment to appreciate. Take a moment to look. Take a moment to listen. Take a moment to live. These are all positive commands that can bring us mental and physical health. 

People in hospital who see greenery whether it's looking out the window or a picture on the wall, heal quicker and have less re-curing illness. Crime goes down when green areas are introduced into build-up areas, less domestic violence. People start communicating around that area, bringing their dogs, nodding to their neighbours.

Eco-therapy it's called. Walking among trees can lift the mood as trees excrete feel-good hormones into the air. 

Tuning into the wonder of creation observing the miracle of life all around us can give such hope but it's up to us to listen and observe ourselves to see what is uplifting and wholesome for us personally. And then to seek it more often. To steal away to connect to the source of energy and compassion which is there somewhere for you.

It works for me... when I allow myself time out to do it.

The Weakest Link..

According to the strength measure the least of my strengths is bravery, basically that I'm a bit of a coward. I tend to shrink away from conflict and so might avoid a lot of wonderful experiences out of fear yet I've somehow managed to make a wonderful life for myself. The fact that we're weak in some ways doesn't mean we're not strong in other ways.

And it doesn't mean that we can't become stronger but perhaps it's by building on our strong character strengths that we automatically become stronger in other ways. All my teenage years I wasn't brave enough to speak up in school when I disagreed with something. I guess my problem was that I could always see the other person's point of view, which is good for empathy but doesn't give the other person food for thought!

We all need bravery but the type of bravery we need depends on our personality. For one it can be bravery to shut up and connect with something deeper within themselves and for another it's to speak up and connect with something deeper within another person. And then for all of us it is to have the courage to connect with that deep inner goodness and love which connect us all no matter race, religion, crime or addiction. Having the courage to just be and see what happens😀

A Day for Problem-Solving..

Inevitably life faces us with problems or let's say challenges. Getting out of bed can be a problem when the day seems gray and cold and it isn't the end of the world if we change our routine somewhat in order to cope with our current lockdown as long as nobody needs us at that hour of the morning.

My initial problem today would be that I feel uninspired, a problem because I do believe in feeling inspired, experiencing 'flow' and making the wellbeing skills available in whatever form possible. But let me welcome this feeling of emptiness and tune in to just being, if that makes sense to you.

And so rather than making my daily juice, I've decided give it a break on Saturdays and Sundays, too much of a good thing😀or is that an excuse 😉 I've decided to make a spelt pancake. I love using spelt flour as it's more nutritious than ordinary flour and so I proceed to add sunflower seeds, chia seeds, organic milk and an organic egg into the mix. And I feel better.

Sometimes our intuition kicks in, I've been reading about all the good fats we get from seeds, so I've intuitively solved the problem of needing to be as healthy as I can whilst enjoying it because if I don't enjoy something I won't easily do it again.

But sometimes problems have to be faced head on. My current problem e.g. is that my two main websites don't translate well into smartphones and that really bothers me, partly because I don't feel I have the skill or time to set aside to deal with this, yet I feel it's important to do something about it. So what I will do is to use some time on Saturdays to investigate how to go about solving this issue trusting that little by little this problem can be solved. So that's good, I've moved beyond a problem into the positive challenge of overcoming this and come out on the other side.

Every day of course we solve hundreds of problems: keep our house clean, keep ourselves and our clothes clean, keep ourselves fed with as much healthy food as possible, not becoming obsessive or anxious about any of that. If there is any issue regarding our survival physically, mentally or spiritually the sooner we address is the better, if nothing else we can decide to do nothing about it right now👌, but it won't play on our subconscious mind because we have faced it and made a decision. 

Accumulating problems only drains our immune system whilst enjoying the challenge of welcoming and 'kick ass' with our problems, do some brain storming and assessing the best way forward brings a sense of achievement and peace of mind. So what's your problem(s)?