Optimize your wellbeing..

Direct youtube link:   https://youtu.be/_ryN6vQeUxU Four Tuesday mornings starting 13th of April. Sign up with Luisne Spirituality Centre

Checking in..

So the last few days I've been involved with the International World Summit of Positive Psychology. I'm delighted to have made some wonderful connection of similar minded people.

Also, I was pleasantly surprised to see that now Spirituality and Meaningfulness is having an equal table at the conference as there is now so much evidence of how we all need meaning in our lives and connection to something bigger beyond ourselves. 

One workshop was about experiencing the sacred, that connection we can feel in the moment if we allow ourselves to take a breath and just be.

Another workshop was on synchronicity and how much we can experience of that when we open ourselves to seeing it. E.g. when we think of somebody and they ring us, we bump into them or connect in some way even though we haven't seen or thought of them for ages.

How our lives often seem co-incidental and yet in hindsight we can see a 'plan' in it all, that it wasn't just a random path or decision we made, it brought us into other beautiful/valuable experiences.

I'm stepping a little bit away from the blog as I'm still catching up with the conference and another summit on how to bring my course to those who need it, but watch this space as I will keep connecting. Thank you for your attention and love.

Photo from a trip to Vancouver that I was privileged to visit a while back and connect with a number of Secondary Schools K6-K12 and Universities there regarding my Wellbeing and Happiness Skills program.

PS did you see my jerusalema dance moves I made for st Patricks day. Go to st Patricks day blog and you can connect there

Music linking us all on this St Patrick's day

 or direct youtube link: https://youtu.be/h6zsTfnbyZE

What gets you out of bed?

We human beings function by optimism. Why would we get out of bed unless we believed something good is going to happen today? Unless we thought we could somehow make a difference in the world. Even if it's just by smiling to someone, that smile can make all the difference in someone's life. A feeling of acceptance and yes optimism. The world is a good place to be.

It can take an effort to access an uplifting thought but isn't that what gives us energy and purpose. We are part of the human race. We are part of something bigger and together we can help each other make this a good place to be.

And so the type of car, house or family I have isn't what makes the difference, it's the amount of optimism I have within me. The belief that I have something worthwhile to contribute and that I will eventually get a chance to do that even though we all have to lie low for the moment.

And there are ways: e.g.take on the Jerusalema dance challenge, there are plenty of helpful tutorials. Film yourself/others with your phone, doing a few moves and challenge others to do the same. Or volunteer to help somewhere. There are lots of possibilities if you're not already involved. Lots of interesting courses to take.

Currently, I'm signed up for the yearly Positive Psychology Conference this time taking place in Australia (virtual), the educational branch of it, in my optimism hoping that connecting with other people in this area will bring me closer to my goal of bringing the wellbeing & happiness skills into the Irish schools and beyond. 

Picture above of my friend 'Shep' who passed a few years ago but gave me plenty of sound therapy through her purring on my lap over her 18 wonderful years on this planet. 

When the Light comes in..

So many things can go wrong in life but where there is love, somehow everything becomes alright. And when there isn't love that's when we need to look for it and keep searching til we find it. 

Generally I'm not attracted to poetry, I don't get a lot of poems and wonder 'why don't you just say it as it is?' but I know there are people who relate deeply to poetry and I have to admit I was deeply moved by the Irish, Nigerian born, girl FeliSpeaks who recited her 'For Our Mothers' poem which has been included in the Leaving Cert Curriculum here in Ireland.

The poem describes the thoughts and sufferings of a Mother trapped in a loveless marriage and how she manages to live in that yet hoping that her own children will find true love. The way FeliSpeaks recites it is deeply moving, perhaps also because I know my own mother's marriage wasn't always easy even though I love my dad deeply. The sadness, yet the hope. And my own mother's ability to laugh at her own inability to cope with life's challenges I always found very healing.

And so today being a day of gratitude I am deeply grateful for my own mother and whatever she was able to share with me, or not. Without her I wouldn't be who I am, I wouldn't be😍

 

Woop Problem-Solving

WOOP is a way of motivating yourself to dream big but also to consider the obstacles to fulfilling your dream and make a plan how to overcome them. 

Wish for something meaningful and wonderful for yourself

Outcome: Imagine vividly for a while the best  possible outcome of your wish. What does it look and feel like? Who is involved? What is happening?

Obstacles: Realistically speaking, what are the obstacles to your wish coming true?

Plan: Put a plan in place how to overcome the obstacles, write down what you're going to do when the obstacle comes your way.

Seemingly, people get a lot more positive results in their challenged area whether it's health, work or social connections, when they not only dream of a positive change or outcome but also consider the obstacles and make a plan to tackle them. Much more so than people who simply dream or imagine good things happening but don't expect difficulties, they might become disillusioned and never dream again.

I've downloaded the WOOP app, which helps the process as it guides you forward step by step, helping me to make the best of my fantasy of my wellbeing program being implemented in schools and homes all over the country and beyond.

You can also go onto the website woopmylife.org and find scientific research to support this process and lots of videos guiding you through.

Picture above: collecting my daily birch-sap from a birch tree in this short season before the leaves need the sap and I plug up the hole again. Very popular drink in Finland and Eastern Europe as it is full of minerals. I was dreaming of doing this for some years as I'm surrounded by birch trees in this area. That dream has come true and I'm sharing the abundance of birch water with various neighbours equally fascinated by the generosity of the birch tree.

 

To be or not to be..Creative

Needs must is probably the greatest incentive to creativity. In interviews with actors or singers you often hear them say that they're shy in ordinary life but feel totally alive in front of an audience. Acting is their way out of shyness.

Anthony Hinton who was on death-row for 28 years for a crime he didn't commit started a little book club there where miraculously the prisoners were allowed to meet once a month. Here they started to listen to and help each other understand their lives in the light of love and forgiveness.

My own writing came about after losing a precious friendship, where before I was trying to make someone else happy suddenly I had to dig deeper and see who I was. One of the wonderful things I discovered was the freedom I experience through writing and later making educational videos. 

During this corona time we are learning to connect with each other, to appreciate each other, to find meaningful ways of passing the time having been stopped from travelling. So I'm off on a cycle around the back roads waving and nodding to people on my way😀and later I'm connecting to two childhood friends who I haven't 'seen' forever, meeting on messenger group call.

To be or not to be Assertive

Being assertive does take energy but on the other hand so does anger and usually there's a better chance of getting what we need or want by being kind but persistent rather than angry and demanding. Of course, we might not choose to be angry, we just are, but in my experience most anger, at a closer look, is really directed towards ourselves.

As mentioned before there's a huge energy in anger and if we can tap into what it is that we care so much about, then we can choose the best way of pursuing it. Of course, we get angry when someone stops us, misjudges us or pushes us out of the way. The question is whether that really is the issue. So rather than pushing back, creating a fight or bad atmosphere we can look for ways to pursue what we want or need without necessarily counting on those who're not enthused in the way we are.

And if we do need something, to approach the person in question with respect and kindness. Yesterday, I made yet another call to a supplier in England whose delivery hadn't arrived after three weeks and who had said they'd get back to me, but after two days hadn't. For my own sake mostly, rather than putting pressure on them I just phoned and explained that it hadn't arrived. As it turned out it had been sent back to them and there was a problem with figuring out the right paperwork and the courier hadn't been able to help them. But they were doing everything they could as they want to be able to continue trading with Ireland. 

So I was glad I didn't give out to them for being unprofessional etc. they were obviously frustrated and disappointed themselves that what they thought was the right paperwork turned out not to be. And I know from talking to them that they're doing their best to rectify the situation. With this corona virus going around on top of Brexit confusions at the border there will be delays. Extra kindness has to be asserted😍

How honest am I?

The character strength of honesty that we admire in each other is something we can always develop more of  it being take responsibility for our feelings and actions and being without pretence. 

As a child I vehemently denied having eaten sweets even though I had and was still claiming the weekly reward of fruit-money for not eating sweets during the week. It wasn't so much that I wanted the reward, it was more that I didn't want to look bad in my younger siblings and parent's eyes. 

Even though my dad re-assured me that he wouldn't get angry if I admitted it, I still went on to lie explaining that my friend's granny gave them to me and I couldn't say no. Of course, when my dad faced me with the fact of having seen me getting sweets out of a slot-machine up the town when he passed by in his military car, I couldn't deny it. I had been so careful not to be seen, but never counted on him being in a work vehicle! That was a sneaky one I thought!

There's great satisfaction though in taking responsibility for our actions rather than 'getting away with it'. To have the courage to say 'Yes, I did it' but also to know why we did what we did, and whether we still think it is a good idea or not, even though it seemed so at the time. Easier said than done. 

In the case of my over-developed sweet-tooth as a child, that was something that my parents could perhaps have helped me with, because at times I just couldn't help myself, I had to have some sweets😃 at least that's how I experienced it and it was my own pocket-money I used. But yes, I did lie and I did claim my reward which was dishonest so that was bad. 

Isn't that the story in the garden of Eden, it wasn't so much that Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit, but the fact that they lied and hid themselves away from God. They should've just faced him and said 'listen, sorry, we were curious and thought something good would come out of it but we were wrong. We failed to appreciate everything that you have given us already and we fell into temptation but we are sorry and we'll try to do better.' Easy for me to say😉but a challenge to live up to.

They widened the narrow road...

In memory of our dear mother who would've been 86 today and how near she, our dad and our great grandmother still are to me. Amazing how the 'invisible' ancestors can still communicate much love and support to us once we focus on the loving connection rather than all the short-comings of expressing that love.

We are so trapped in our human bodies, so influenced by our experiences and if we're not careful our bad experienced might overshadow the good ones. To keep alive our positive connections and build on those is so conducive to wellbeing.

By passing along the narrow road they widened it, and while they went along, trampling on the rough ways, they went ahead of us (from Augustin of Hippo) 

Of course, we should learn from our own and other people's mistakes. My dad always said 'if you can't serve as a good example, at least you can serve as a bad one' 😄

Neighbourliness is thriving during the corona. As we went up the country lane last Sunday and got talking to various neighbours, at a distance of course, we were handed 10 farm eggs by one of the farming couples. So later today I'm baking a pear cake and bottling up some fresh birch-water in order to carry on the positive communication they've offered. Isn't it in sharing our good fortune in whatever little way we can that we 'widen the narrow road and trample the rough ways' for one another?

Another Day for Optimism

Sometimes a bird's eye point of view is the only helpful point of view to avoid getting caught in the middle of other people's conflicts. There can be two opposing views and yet when one examines the 'drama' it's simply two different experiences. And how can you compare experiences except to learn something from one another?

As in the Meghan and Prince Harry interview. They shared their experiences and revealed some of the limitations of the Royal household and institution that they found hurtful and unhelpful. And that's their journey. Obviously, his brother and dad who're in line to become King have to live in a different world where freedom is restricted but where one benefits from an extremely privileged life. Never having to worry about food, shelter or clothing. Meeting with dignities from all over the world. Not having to earn respect but welcomed due to one's position.

So why take sides? Life is a process and we're only learning as we live. Looking back all of us have situations where we would re-act differently today, would make wiser choices if we knew what we now know. As human beings we all entitled to live our lives according to what we believe is best for us and those we love. But even then we might inadvertently hurt each other's feelings due to misunderstandings or different priorities.

And so conflict is part of living and learning and the question is not how other people need to change but how I can live my life with the most purpose and love and having the courage to do so.

Appreciating Eco-Therapy

Take a moment to appreciate. Take a moment to look. Take a moment to listen. Take a moment to live. These are all positive commands that can bring us mental and physical health. 

People in hospital who see greenery whether it's looking out the window or a picture on the wall, heal quicker and have less re-curing illness. Crime goes down when green areas are introduced into build-up areas, less domestic violence. People start communicating around that area, bringing their dogs, nodding to their neighbours.

Eco-therapy it's called. Walking among trees can lift the mood as trees excrete feel-good hormones into the air. 

Tuning into the wonder of creation observing the miracle of life all around us can give such hope but it's up to us to listen and observe ourselves to see what is uplifting and wholesome for us personally. And then to seek it more often. To steal away to connect to the source of energy and compassion which is there somewhere for you.

It works for me... when I allow myself time out to do it.

The Weakest Link..

According to the strength measure the least of my strengths is bravery, basically that I'm a bit of a coward. I tend to shrink away from conflict and so might avoid a lot of wonderful experiences out of fear yet I've somehow managed to make a wonderful life for myself. The fact that we're weak in some ways doesn't mean we're not strong in other ways.

And it doesn't mean that we can't become stronger but perhaps it's by building on our strong character strengths that we automatically become stronger in other ways. All my teenage years I wasn't brave enough to speak up in school when I disagreed with something. I guess my problem was that I could always see the other person's point of view, which is good for empathy but doesn't give the other person food for thought!

We all need bravery but the type of bravery we need depends on our personality. For one it can be bravery to shut up and connect with something deeper within themselves and for another it's to speak up and connect with something deeper within another person. And then for all of us it is to have the courage to connect with that deep inner goodness and love which connect us all no matter race, religion, crime or addiction. Having the courage to just be and see what happens😀

A Day for Problem-Solving..

Inevitably life faces us with problems or let's say challenges. Getting out of bed can be a problem when the day seems gray and cold and it isn't the end of the world if we change our routine somewhat in order to cope with our current lockdown as long as nobody needs us at that hour of the morning.

My initial problem today would be that I feel uninspired, a problem because I do believe in feeling inspired, experiencing 'flow' and making the wellbeing skills available in whatever form possible. But let me welcome this feeling of emptiness and tune in to just being, if that makes sense to you.

And so rather than making my daily juice, I've decided give it a break on Saturdays and Sundays, too much of a good thing😀or is that an excuse 😉 I've decided to make a spelt pancake. I love using spelt flour as it's more nutritious than ordinary flour and so I proceed to add sunflower seeds, chia seeds, organic milk and an organic egg into the mix. And I feel better.

Sometimes our intuition kicks in, I've been reading about all the good fats we get from seeds, so I've intuitively solved the problem of needing to be as healthy as I can whilst enjoying it because if I don't enjoy something I won't easily do it again.

But sometimes problems have to be faced head on. My current problem e.g. is that my two main websites don't translate well into smartphones and that really bothers me, partly because I don't feel I have the skill or time to set aside to deal with this, yet I feel it's important to do something about it. So what I will do is to use some time on Saturdays to investigate how to go about solving this issue trusting that little by little this problem can be solved. So that's good, I've moved beyond a problem into the positive challenge of overcoming this and come out on the other side.

Every day of course we solve hundreds of problems: keep our house clean, keep ourselves and our clothes clean, keep ourselves fed with as much healthy food as possible, not becoming obsessive or anxious about any of that. If there is any issue regarding our survival physically, mentally or spiritually the sooner we address is the better, if nothing else we can decide to do nothing about it right now👌, but it won't play on our subconscious mind because we have faced it and made a decision. 

Accumulating problems only drains our immune system whilst enjoying the challenge of welcoming and 'kick ass' with our problems, do some brain storming and assessing the best way forward brings a sense of achievement and peace of mind. So what's your problem(s)? 

A Day to 'Flow'

For our wellbeing we need to experience Flow over the day, Flow being the state of being fully absorbed by something or somebody to the extent that we don't notice time going by. We are using our skills, like a surfer, someone painting, tuning in to the emotions of another person. There are endless possibilities.

We are challenged but not beyond or below our skills, we are living life fully. We are living the life we have been given exploring its potential, creating something beautiful and worthwhile in some shape or another. Even if nobody else notices or knows, it doesn't matter because we know.

One lady described her love of singing, song-writing and playing the guitar but she did it when no-one else was around, it was 20 years later that she eventually made a single and an album, but it was something she loved doing. She wouldn't make a living from it but for her it was a natural step forward, sharing her love for music, her message of hope through music.

So what is my flow? Well, I do love getting on the bike into nature. Just now harvesting the birch water, doing a bit of stretching and getting a nice photo, is a morning flow I enjoy. Then comes the juice-making which I could enjoy more as it's a privilege to get organic apple, celery, lemon and cucumber at such reasonable prices and to benefit from the hard work people have done growing and nourishing those plants/trees, transporting them, minding them in their shops and making sure we get the best produce possible.

And I could love cleaning the juicer more as it's such a beautiful amazing machine. And so the story goes on. I guess what I'm saying is that we can inject flow into any situation if we want to by connecting to the creative power and love that is within and in people all around us. That we are benefiting from at every moment of the day. 

So now I have to flow along. How about you, what is your flow?

A Day For Character Strength

Character Strengths are the qualities we admire in each other, that gives us energy and contribute to the betterment of ourselves and others. And we all have them. Some more hidden than others, some gone a little, or quite astray, but it is who we are as human beings.

One of my character strengths - this is based on the free test taken at the Character Strength centre but also resonates with my own experience: Forgiveness. It does come fairly natural to me and sometimes I struggle to understand how some people don't just forgive because it makes life so much easier, but that person might have a Justice Strength that prioritises bringing someone to justice, fighting so others don't have to suffer the same as them etc. 

So while I just forgive and move on, I might not another person to change while the person who doesn't forgive as easily might help get justice for certain wrongs that have been done. Having said that, sooner or later one has to forgive in order to be well in oneself and it is possible to forgive and bring someone to justice at the same time.

But forgiveness as a strength can be helpful in preventing anxiety about the future because forgiveness does involve trusting that something good can come out of a situation. Something good can come out of a wrong, out a mistake, even out of war and destruction. 

And so by applying forgiveness to the anxieties I woke up with this morning thinking about how easily a small country like Ireland or Denmark could be taken over by Chinese, Russian or any Arab power, how helpless and vulnerable we really are. We don't know the future.

Perhaps, it was Boris Johnsons decision to ignore agreements about the Brexit border that got working in my subconscious. When those who are our friends suddenly cannot be trusted to keep an agreement.

Forgiveness calms me down, helps me to accept what I cannot change. Helps me to focus on my own work and how that might somehow change the world, gives me the incentive to do my best to create a world of goodness and love in my corner of the world whilst sending positive healing energy towards those involved in solving this 'unsolvable' Brexit border problem.

A Day For Positive Communication

 So to wish others well. To wish for them to connect with their deeper self, their loving self. That is my wish for those who were arrested, for those who were assaulted, for those who were watching the tragic event at the anti-lockdown demonstration in Dublin last Saturday.

Rather than taking sides or condemning anyone I wish them well. I do condemn unnecessary violence but I cannot afford to condemn anyone as I don't know what brought them to where they are. As I don't know, would I have behaved better, I hope I would have, but we don't really know until 'we walk in someone else's shoes' what would do in their situation.

To be mature I have to live with the paradox, to wish others well but still be able to condemn certain behaviours that create war rather than dialogue. 

Yet, non-violent, consistent assertiveness of what we believe in is important. We are responsible for sharing our corner of the truth as we see and experience it, but so are others. To be able to listen with dignity and kindness to the point of view we hate, enable our minds to remain open to solutions and possibilities of how to find a compromise/solution we can all live with. And so I wish all of us love and kindness in our hearts but also courage to be true to who we are today and always.

A Day for Optimism..

So the second skill in the wellbeing course is Optimism, and yes it is a skill that those of us who tend to be pessimistic can learn. Turning what seems a bad situation into an opportunity for learning and betterment.

Just watching Sophia Loren who is now 86 and still acting, she said that in her childhood she experienced extreme poverty but she gained a lot of wisdom. 

Not panicking when something goes wrong, that's the trick, not exaggerating when we experience adversity and pain. So today I'm going to feed myself with some optimistic thoughts when otherwise I'd feel blah...

I love the sun and it looked beautiful rising this morning when I cycled down to collect the birch water, half a liter today, not bad, seemingly trees can be tapped for water if we somehow run out of water 😏

But now the sun is gone and it's cold and grayish so what do I do with that feeling of loss and disappointment? Yesterday I could sit out in the sun and work on my pc😎, I could eat outside but today it's just cold. I accept it, of course, and that's the price we pay for pleasure is it not: when it's gone we miss it and yet we have to move on.

But I know that the sun is above the clouds and it'll come through again🙌 and so instead of saying it's cold and gray today, I'll say 'It's cold and gray now and that's ok because I need the contrast to really enjoy the sun when it's there AND I'll get lots of indoor jobs done, yeah'.

So rather than taking in future possibility of cold and grayness, today I will welcome what is, in this moment, and that somehow gives me joy. We are in this together. We are all challenged in some way or another. But as Sophia Loren pointed out, there was the pain of poverty but there was also the gift of love.

And even though my pessimistic mood/thinking😐 can seem ridiculously petty to those with far greater burdens to bear, Optimism is made up by a multitude of choices every day. I've shared just one area of many. All to be revealed😄

A Day For Gratitude...

So on my birth day a few days ago I committed myself to blog around the skills on my upcoming online course and how I use them myself. My initial plan is to dedicate each of the seven skills to a day in the week.

Skill one fortunately is around gratitude, and please if you want to share your experience today around using that skill please do, we can all learn from each other and it's always a lift to have companions on our journey to greater well-being.

So I am grateful for being in a nice place, even though it's slightly isolated, nature this time of year is beautiful especially when the sun shines. And what a morning, I got up early to collect the birch water/sap that I'm tapping of a tree, it turned out to be the most beautiful frosty morning, see the pic above.

Of course, it's easy to be grateful when everything is working well, we feel good and things are going our way.

So today I'm going to be grateful for something that doesn't go my way because that changes a difficulty into a positive challenge. So

I'm grateful that the creation of my online course is taking sooo much longer than anticipated😊

I'm grateful that I have to update my website and don't know how to 😏because I trust that it will all be revealed as I go along.

I'm grateful for the help I am receiving from the various organisations who are running the programs that I'm using to create my online well-being course, its content and tasks. I've found everyone I contact extremely approachable and helpful. I'm grateful for the corona situation from that point of view. There's a general increase and kindness and positive communication with the people we do see or communicate with, it's like we are making sure that everyone is okay.💖 For that I am truly grateful.